The Wonders of Life

I am amazed at how things can be going so right and then all of a sudden life just takes one of those turns. About a month ago, Brett injured his back moving some furniture into the house. Okay a little concerned but we will get through it. Then he started to have this neverending thirst and started to go to the bathroom much more then he used to (gets up in the middle of the night to go - never did that before). So yesterday before we left Cleveland he decided to check his sugar levels (since he is a nurse he had already self-diagnosed himself with diabetes). Testing himself was not the best thing to do because the glucose in his urine was over 1000 and his blood sugar was at 507. From what I was told this is very bad.

In a normal situation we would just deal with this. However, he is in the Army. This is a automatic discharge. I have never seen him so upset. He was actually crying in the car on the way back to Virginia. This of course got me all upset because I always cry when I see a grown man cry. Though he talks about getting out of the military I know he really loves it and is not ready to get out.

So today he is supposed to be getting everything checked out. Hopefully it is just something throwing off his levels due to the back injury. Worse case scenario I will have to console a 32 year old man who just learned he is diabetic and has just ended a 15 year military career.

Home for the Holidays

It is official. I will be home for Christmas. I am so excited about it. This will be the first Christmas Brett and I are actually together and we will get to spend it with our families. I might actually start to like the holidays.

And the whole reason we are actually going home - Cleveland Browns vs. Pittsburgh Steelers. I managed to get us tickets for the game. We won't actually be sitting together but we will be close. Brett will be sitting with my brothers and I will be the next section over with some of my parents' friends who have season tickets. But at least I got tickets.

Now everyone is probably saying we are crazy that this is the only reason we are going home. Normally I would agree but since the drive is killing his mental state I was okay with staying in Virginia and spending Christmas here. Now we have to figure out our travel arrangements. I am flying home on Tuesday for work and am supposed to come back on Friday. I was going to stay there if we decided to spend Christmas in Cleveland and he would drive up on Friday. We would drive back together on Monday.

However, Brett has done something to his back. It is very bad at the moment and has been like this for almost 2 weeks. (He looks like a little old man all hunched over.) So now I have to figure out if I can fly back earlier on Friday and then drive the truck home since we have to bring the dog with us. I am going to call the airline and see about flying back standby instead of changing my ticket.

Sounds like a bunch of work but it will all be worth it.

Registering Nightmare

They always tell you when you get married that registering is so much fun.  I tend to disagree.  This has been the most annoying part of the whole wedding activities.  First of all, I do not like to shop so I did all my registering online.  I didn’t even step foot into a store for any of the registering process.

Then there is the fact that we really don’t need anything.  Brett has lived on his own for a really long time so he has everything you need to establish a household.  The stuff we did register for was basically to update some of his appliances and make them ours.  We also chose some things that you wouldn’t buy for yourself (seafood utensils).

Today I was asked if we had registered for everyday china or silverware.  I told the person no and they asked why.  I explained that we both had dishes and that we had gone to Ikea (I love Ikea) and bought a set for $26.  They seemed a little upset by this.  I am sorry if that is what you wanted to buy us but there are a bunch of items you can purchase if you really want to get us something.

Don’t get me wrong – I am happy that people want to share in this moment with us but we are not all about the gifts.  I would rather not have them because it will be one less thing that we will have to pack each time we move.

Made for Each Other

And when we were going through our Christmas ornaments we discovered we had the exact same one that we made in grade school in the 5th or 6th grade. How cute!!!

My First Real Christmas Tree

Everyone has their first - first love, first job, first house... Well this weekend I experienced my first live Christmas tree. Growing up we always had a fake tree. Every year we would trek up to the attic and drag out this huge box with all these fake limbs that you had to insert into the "trunk". Once that was done, Mom would string on the lights and then it was a free-for-all with the ornaments. Let's just say I always let my brothers do the decorating. I truly do not like tree decorating.

Whenever we asked my mom why we had a fake tree her response was that she was not responsible enough to water the darn thing. She just wanted the simple tree that took forever to put together but that did not need any watering.

So when Brett found out that I never had a real tree he made it his goal to make sure this year I got one. We went to Home Depot (not where I thought we would go but hey this was my first time) and picked a very nice tree. We got it home and put it up and the first thing I did was water the thing. I will not be my mother and let it die or cause a fire (that was her other excuse). Brett put up the lights and then I of all people got stuck putting on the ornaments. I still don't like doing it but I figured since this was my first real tree and our first Christmas actually together I wouldn't complain.

And here is the final outcome.....

Winter Wonderland My A**

I have lived in Cleveland, Ohio for almost my whole live.  You would think I would be used to the snow and ice and cold that comes with the wonderful season of winter.  But in all actuality I HATE WINTER!!!  I don’t like the cold and I don’t like the snow.

So I move to Virginia where I was hoping it would be a lot warmer and there wouldn’t be snow.  Guess what, I was wrong.  On Monday we had a snow storm.  Last night we had an ice/snow storm.  It is cold and the roads are icy.  Now the kicker is this place isn’t prepared for this type of weather.  They put sand and dirt on the roads to give you more traction but nothing to melt the ice.  I am staying in the house until all of this stuff melts (or until Brett stops driving the truck to work).

The only thing winter is good for is hot chocolate and sitting by the fire.  I am going to make sure we relocate to somewhere where there is not snow in the winter!

Irony

I should be working but this day just seems to be dragging.  Right now I don’t have anything creative or depressing to write about so I will rely on my Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Calendar to get me through.  Here is what wonderful information I got today:

• An 87-year old man dropped dead while waiting in line at a government office in Bogota, Colombia.  He’d been applying “for a certificate to prove he was still alive.”


• In August 2000, a 44-year old woman named Angel Destiny fled for her life dressed only in pajamas after half of her house in Cardiff, Wales, collapsed into rubble.  Destiny, who makes her living as a psychic, told reporters, “I just didn’t see it coming.”

Amazing how ironic life can be, isn’t it?

Breakdown

It happened again.  We were having such a great evening and then one of my emotional outbreaks ruined it and now he is barely talking to me.  I am not sure what to do to fix any of this and even if I did I am not sure it would work.

Last night he asked if he could go on a trip with a few of his friends.  “Sure, where are you going?”  Daytona….”Well I guess so.”  Now most people would be happy about their significant other goes on a trip and normally I would be to but not this time.  The reason – I wanted to be the person he went to Florida with for the first time.

I know that is a stupid reason but it is true.  We have been talking about going for months and then we decided to put it on hold due to losing the tenants in the house in Texas.  Now all of a sudden the boys are going to watch cars go around a track (which I really don’t understand) and it is okay to go without me?

I think another part of the problem is that I am jealous.  I don’t have friends here to do things like that with.  Actually I don’t have any friends here at all.  This is starting to be a big problem for the both of us.  He is starting to feel bad about wanting to go out with the guys because that means I will be sitting at home alone.  He keeps saying that is why he wants me to find a job here.

I have been trying to find a job but it is so hard to work into the daily routine.  I am also afraid of starting a new job while I am planning the wedding and need the flexibility to go home and do wedding stuff whenever I can or want.  If I start a new job they are not going to be so willing to let me do this and also I will be leaving here in about a year and a half due to his tour being completed.

So I guess it all boils down to I need to find a way to make some friends down here and quickly.  The big question is how I go about doing that!!

A Weekend with My Mom

My mom and I went to New York City this weekend. It was my first time there. I will write more about it later after I catch up on all the work I missed on Friday.

Travellers Nightmare

Everyone looks forward to spending time with the family during the holidays.  People will travel for hours enduring major traffic jams and horrendous weather just to be with the ones they love.  Brett and I used to be these people until this past weekend when we went home for Thanksgiving.  Needless to say, I don’t think either of our families will ever see us for a holiday unless they come to visit us.

It all started on Wednesday.  We decided to start out in the early afternoon.  I left our house at 12:15pm and it took me a little over an hour to get to Ft. Belvoir (which is only 20 miles away).  That should have been the first clue.  We stopped for lunch and got on the road about 2pm.  After sitting in stand still traffic in Maryland for 4 hours and a snow storm in Pennsylvania we pulled into his parents’ driveway at 10pm.  We didn’t get to stop for food so after we dropped off Pepper we went to grab a bite around 11pm.  At this point Brett tells me he was having flashbacks from Iraq.  Don’t you think he should have mentioned that a little earlier in the day?

The time at home was great.  We got a lot of things done for the wedding and spent time with both of our families.  Brett got to meet part of the Milwaukee family since Helen was in with the kids.

Then we started home and it was like Wednesday all over again.  This time we left at 1:30pm from my Grandma’s house which is an hour closer and we still didn’t get home until 10:30pm.  I can see it taking us a little long since we had a UHaul attached to us full of furniture but it shouldn’t have taken 9 hours especially when we were an hour closer to begin with.  At one point it took us 2 hours to go 20 miles.  That is ridiculous!!

As of right now, Brett and I will be spending Christmas in Virginia – just him, me and the dog!!

Time for a New Job

About a year ago, I was asked to move from Cleveland, OH to Northern Virginia.  After much thought, I said yes.  I gave my boss my 6 months notice so that he would have plenty of time to find someone to fill my shoes (since they are very big to fill).  He said no to my resignation and wanted to try a “remote office” with me working from wherever I would end up.  Great, I don’t have to look for a new job!!

Now I wish that I had said no and had started to look for a new job.  There are many reasons for this really.  First of all, the people I work with have no experience which makes my job 100% harder.  I have to stop what I am doing all the time to explain concepts to them or to tell them where to find files that they put away themselves.

Secondly, I thought working out of the house would be cool.  I would basically have my own schedule, could surf the web when I wanted, work outside if it was nice, etc.  The big problem with this is that I don’t get to meet anybody.  I work in my house by myself in a completely new city.  Do we see a problem here?  All the people I have met have been through Brett.  I need to make my own friends here.  I tried a book club – too old.  I tried a scrapbooking store – she is closing it.  Any suggestions?

Lastly, Brett dislikes my boss.  I don’t blame him.  My boss is not the easiest person to work for.  I have often told him I like him as a person but as a boss he sucks (to his face I might add).  This dislike makes my job even harder because Brett feels I am overqualified (which I am), am not appreciated (which I am not) and don’t get paid what I should (which is true).  Problem is I don’t want to do sales and every time I post my resume that is all I get offered.

I guess I need to take a few minutes out of every day to evaluate my current position and see what else I can find out there.  I think it will help ease my mind if I can find something that I like to do, that is close to home, and where I will people some people on my own.

OSU vs. Michigan

THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY

Need I say more?

The Klutz Strikes Again

Every one in my family knows what a klutz I am.  I think Brett is starting to learn this very quickly.  Last night I was upstairs “picking up” my office (couldn’t see the floor with all the crap I had thrown on it).  I decided to go downstairs to watch some TV.  I have been going down these steps for the last 6 months without a problem.  As I proceeded down them (in the dark, I must add), I missed one right before the landing.

Brett came to see if I was alright and checked it out.  He helped me down the steps to the couch where I elevated it.  When it was time to go upstairs to bed, he followed me up.  As soon as I took my sock off he said it was swollen and black and blue.  He asked me if I iced it.  Hello – you were sitting next to me downstairs.  Did you see me ice it?  No.  My response was the nurse didn’t tell me to.  He said he figured after all the falls I had taken in my life I would know to ice it.

I feel like I am marrying my mother.  She is a nurse and when it came to one of us getting hurt she basically told us to shake it off.  It took her a week to get my nose check when I broke it the first time (and then I had to have surgery to reset the darn thing).  So now I am limping around on a bum foot and have been told I am not allowed to go down the stairs without turning the lights on!

The Other Family

My parents divorced when I was 2.  Not a big deal – it was for the good of all especially me.  My dad could take me whenever he wanted; there was never a set schedule as to when he could see me.  He always had me for Christmas Eve and for part of Easter.  He would take me to my grandmother’s where we would spend the day with my aunts and their families.

My dad died of lung cancer when I was 13 years old.  It was the summer before I started the 8th grade.  My grandmother (his mother) died 8 months later of cancer also.  After that I lost all communications with his side of the family until my aunt called me when I was 16 years old to tell me that my other aunt had passed away.  I attended the wake and funeral and that was pretty much the last time I have see or spoken to any of them.

I have tried numerous times to contact them.  First when I graduated from high school.  No response.  Next when I got my undergrad.  No response.  Masters degree – no response.  Okay, you would think I would get the hint but no.  I figured I would try again one last time.  I sent them a “Save the Date” magnet for my wedding.  I actually got a response but not the one that I thought I would get.

Last night we got our first and only “Return to Sender” out of the 100+ magnets I sent out.  It was addressed to my uncle (care of his son and daughter-in-law).  On the envelope it said “Return to Sender – Deceased”.  I didn’t know what to do or say.  First of all, I put a letter in all of them that indicated to contact me by calling or emailing me if there were any changes or anything was incorrect.  Don’t you think they would call or email this information to me?  Secondly, why the hell did they not contact me when he died?  

It is apparent that this family doesn’t care about me.  I don’t know what I ever did to them.  I tried to keep in contact but I don’t think it is up to a 13 year old girl to have to make all the effort.  16 years later I am still making the effort.  I will send the wedding invitations but I am 99.9% sure they will not come.  After that I am done trying.  This is the last time I make any attempt to contact them.

I am treated with more love from my stepfather and his family than I ever was from my own family (with the exception of my dad).  Heck, my in-laws-to-be treat me better than my own family.  Their loss not mine.

Home Sick

I recently moved from the area I grew up in my whole life to a completely new city and state.  Why?  I fell in love with a United States Army Captain and decided to take him up on his proposal for marriage.  So I packed up my car with what I could fit in it and drove from Cleveland, OH to Stafford, VA.

I am not complaining about the move.  It was a good decision for me.  If I hadn’t done it I probably would never have moved out of my parents’ house.  (Not that there is anything wrong with that but when you hit 30 it sort of cramps your style and theirs.)  I also love to go to new places and this is definitely a new place for me (along with all the military bases).  What is my problem then?  I miss out on all the fun stuff that happens back home.

For example, next week is Thanksgiving and Wednesday night is the most popular night for going out.  One of my friends who also lives out of town wanted to get a bunch of people together to go out and have a good time.  I unfortunately can’t go because it is a 7 hour drive home and we don’t know what time we are going to be able to leave Virginia.

Also, a bunch of my work friends are going out after the office closes to celebrate a co-worker getting engaged.  Guess what – I can’t make that either for the exact same reason I can’t go out with my friends (since I still work for the same company I did in Cleveland I have the same coworkers).  

My solution to this is that for Thanksgiving and Christmas we should get the whole month off.  This way everyone can be with their families and friends from their hometowns.  That isn’t asking too much.

Bumper Stickers of the World

Have you ever taken the time to read some of the bumper stickers on the back of people’s cars?  As we were driving back up from North Carolina we saw a bumper sticker that said “Satan is a nerd”.  What the heck does that mean?  Does this person like or dislike Satan?  I am not really sure where this one is going.

This morning I was catching up on my Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader calendar (as I do every morning along with my Fact or Crap calendar) and low and behold the topic was bumper stickers.  I figured I would share them with anyone who is reading this.  Here we go….

• Forget About World Peace – Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!


• I ARE ILLETERATE AND I VOTE


• So Many Cats, So Few Recipes


• I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.


• JESUS IS COMING…LOOK BUSY.


• VEGETARIAN: Indian Word for “Lousy Hunter”


• Don’t Like My Driving? Then Quit Watching Me.

I must admit I like the last one the best.  I am sure no one liked how we were driving this weekend.  But it was fun so who cares!!!

Pain in the Heart Part II

So I am not dying (at least not yet).  The nurse practitioner that I say said I have irritated the muscles in my chest which have caused them to become inflamed.  She gave me an anti-inflammatory to take for the next 2 weeks and wants to run some other lab tests even though my EKG was fine.

HOWEVER, she did mention that with all the changes I have endured over the last 6 months, the planning of the wedding and my issues with Brett and his “computer friends” I am probably suffering with some anxiety..  She suggested I go to see someone to talk about these issues and then come back to see her in about a month.  This way she can prescribe me something if it is deemed necessary.

Pain in the Heart

Today I am going to the doctor for this little pain I have been having in my chest. Ok, it isn’t little it is big (and no it is not my fiancé). I have been having it for about 3 weeks and it has progressively gotten worse. It isn’t there all the time. I can go all day without it and then right before I go to bed I feel it. It is almost paralyzing.

At first Brett wasn’t too concerned. He thought it might be a spasm or something. But the more I keep having them the more concerned he is getting. I am 30 years old – I should not be having chest pains. Especially since I workout almost every day and watch what I eat.

So me being me I started to think (maybe a little too much) about what could be causing the pain. Here is what I have come up with:

Tied to my high blood pressure diagnosis

• When I went to the doctor about 2 months ago they took my blood pressure. It read 140/100 which is high I guess. The doctor made them take it again and it was 134/100. Since the bottom number did not change, the doctor told me to go get it checked out. Guess what – I never did.

Anxiety

• Maybe I have anxiety. Maybe all the worrying I have been doing about Brett’s “computer friends” has finally caught up with me. I looked up signs of anxiety online and of course I thought I had most of the symptoms. However, chest pain wasn’t one of them.

Pulled Muscle

• Brett thinks that maybe I pulled a muscle. I don’t think that is it at all. This does not feel like a pulled muscle. It is my heart or something around it. (Though technically the heart is a muscle so maybe he is right)

Spasming Vessels

• I could also be blood vessels that are having spasms. I have had this before but it seems to have become more frequently in the last 3 weeks.

Stayed tuned for the long procedure (I am sure) to diagnosis what is really wrong with me.

Things That Go Boom

I am sitting in my “office” trying to work and all I keep hearing (and feeling) are these big booms. I know the soldiers have to practice firing their weapons but do they have to be so loud and annoying? I am trying to work here.

Guess I have to get used to it being that I will be living by military bases for the rest of my life.

Weekend Road Trip

This weekend we are going on a road trip. I love road trips. I wish this one was under better circumstances but we will make the best out of it while we are gone.

Brett’s cousin, Peter, has been moved to The University of North Carolina Chapel Hill for some of the procedures on his arm. For all those out there that do not know, Peter is a US Marine. He was deployed to Iraq back in August or September and was caught in an attack. He had major damage to his arm which they are currently attempting to repair.

We figured since Brett has a 4 day weekend and we are the closest family to him at the moment that we would go and visit and see if there is anything he needs or wants. I also think it would make everyone at home feel a little better if Brett goes down there to check him out – being that he is an Army nurse and spent a year looking at these types of wounds back in Iraq.

We also figured this would be a good time to go and visit Kevin and his family. They moved to Pinehurst, NC since Kevin is currently based out of Fort Bragg. I have only met Kevin and his family once. They came to visit us while I was in Texas when Brett got home. They hadn’t seen each other in a while but the evening was quite tame. They had to go back to San Antonio. This time we are staying there so who knows what will happen.

I am going to attempt to put photos on here when I get back. I might have to ask my friend Nikol how to do that. I am still relatively new to this blogging thing and do not know all the fun things I can do with my pages. Wish me luck!!

Silent Secrets

This weekend I learned there are things Brett will never tell me and that bother me.  I can understand not telling me the real story while he was in Iraq.  Who would want to talk about that when you don’t have to?  But things that mean a lot to him and I would think he would want me to know the meaning behind and he states he will never reveal the reasons but just to know it means a lot to him.

What am I talking about – one of his tattoos.  On Saturday night we were hanging out at the Oasis with a bunch of our new friends and Michelle asked him about the Grim Reaper on his leg.  He told her there is a story behind it but he will never tell it to anyone but that it means something special to him.  When I asked if he would ever tell me he said no but just know that it means something special to him.  WTF!!!

On Sunday we were watching a show about soldiers and their families and dealing with Iraq.  I was asking questions as usual.  I must have said something (I forget what) and he asked if I wanted him to show me the pictures for being over there.  I stated to him that he had already shown them to me and he said not the real ones.  He is willing to show me the REAL pictures of Iraq but he won’t tell me about his tattoo?  I just don’t understand him sometimes.

There must be a reason why he won’t tell me about the tattoo.  I will admit that it bothers me just slightly that he won’t tell me but I am not going to push for it because I did that once and it caused a lot of heartache.

Bathroom Fun

I came across this on my calendar today and thought it would be a great topic of discussion.

Honoree: Carl Rennie Davis, a pub owner in Stourbridge, England

Notable Achievement: Converting his men’s room urinals into an electrical arcade game…of sorts

Background: Davis installed paddle wheels in the drainpipes of his men’s room urinals; then he hooked each one up to a row of vertical lights. How many lights flash depends on how long – and how “strong” – the guy pees. Customers can compete to see who can light the most lights, and because extra rows of lights are mounted over the bar, ladies in the pub can follow the action.

This is what struck me about this information. The guys always complain about how long it takes for the girls to go to the bathroom. Do they need to find ways to entertain themselves while they wait? There is a bar back home in Cleveland where the men’s room has flat screen TVs playing sports so they can watch while in there. What is in the women’s room? One toilet and a sink. Do we see a problem here?

Happy Halloween!!

Once again I am turning to my trusty Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Calendar for inspiration (this is a definite must have).

A 5-Step Plan to Scare Trick-or-Treaters

1. Cut a hole, big enough to put your hand through, in the bottom of a plastic bowl.
2. Put your hand up through the hole.
3. Fill the bowl with candy.
4. When the trick-or-treaters come to the door, offer them the bowl. When the little goblins go for the candy, extend your fingers really fast.
5. Laugh maniacally.

Of course there is a disclaimer that this really came from Martha Stewart Living. Go figure!!

A Wonderful Weekend Together

Brett took me to Atlantic City this weekend for a belated birthday present. We drove up on Saturday afternoon and stayed at the Sheraton Convention Center. The hotel was nice but too expensive for the accommodations. Just because this is were the Miss America contestants stayed there doesn't mean they need to charge $300/night for a place to sleep. Or maybe they charge outrageous rates to stay in business due to all the casino hotels. Either way they charge too much for what they provide for you.

So the first thing we did after we checked in was go to the Hard Rock Cafe at the Taj Mahl. My first time in an honest to goodness casino. Not what I expected at all. There were more slot machines than a person could ever imagine. I thought there would be more card tables and roulette wheels. Anyways, we went to the Hard Rock and had a beer so I could get my pilsner. After that we left and went back to the room to drop off the glasses.

We walked over to Tropicana and went to PF Changs for dinner. I love that place. I didn't have the lettuce wraps though. I figured I didn't want to cause the bill to be too much since Brett is so worried about the house in Texas. We then went to the casino and looked around. Brett's co-worker (sort of) called and we met up with him and his wife. The girls went one way and the guys went another way. After about an hour we met up again. Brett lost his $100 in about 10 minutes playing Black Jack. I on the other hand won about $35 dollars on the slot machines.

Today we looked around at the outlet shops. We bought Eva an outfit for her birthday at the Harley Davidson shop and then bought some candles at Yankee Candle. We left Atlantic City and went to Philadelphia. Brett has to work there this week so he left the government car there. We went to the Hard Rock Cafe for lunch and I got my second pilsner in 2 days. Man, do I love that guy!!!

Birthdays, Birthdays, and More Birthdays!!!

Well the day of reckoning is coming. In 3 short days I will be 30. The world is coming to an end so all there is left to do is party. I plan on doing that big time this weekend (not like 3 Day though).

The thing I hate about my birthday is that my brother's birthday is 6 days later and I usually spend some of my birthday money on him. Now that is what I call not fair. He makes out because he borrows money from mom and dad to buy my present, gets a present from me, and then gets to keep his birthday money. Not that I am greedy but that just ain't right.

Maybe I should talk to him about not getting each other presents. That way I can keep my money and he doesn't have to borrow from mom and dad. Something to ponder about!!

Weekend of Nothing

Today is such a beautiful day and what am I doing but sitting inside and watching football and working on wedding stuff. You would think we would be out on the boat enjoying the end of the summer weather but no we are inside.

Why do we say that we are going to do one thing and then spend the day doing other things? We said if it was nice we would go boating. We said we would take my ring to get cleaned. We said we would go grocery shopping. We said (okay Brett said) we would go looking for a motorcycle for my birthday. Have we done any of that today....NO!!

I am sure we are going to do these things eventually this weekend but we never seem to do them when I want to do them. It is always on someone else's terms. I don't think that is very fair. I guess I have to get better at voicing what I want to do and when I would like to do it. I think we need to get better at compromising.

Bathroom Facts

I have had enough of the depressing talk on this thing. Today for anyone's reading pleasure (not that anyone is reading this thing):

• According to a survey by the National Association for Continence (NAFC), 30% of Americans avoid public restrooms, citing "fear of germs" as the primary reason.
• Then, when the deed is done, 40% say they flush the toliet by kicking the handle with their fee, rather than touching it with their bare hand. Another 20% reach for paper to "protect" themselves before touching the handle.
• What about when you are at home - are you bashful? 70% of Americans say they always close the bathroom door even if they live alone or are the only ones at home.

My theory (and all my friends know it) when I got to go I got to go. I don't care about the germs or who is around!!!!

Good Times Are Here Again.....

Well things seem to be going great in my world once again. All the problems of last week have been revealed. They have not necessarily be resolved but they are out in the open. One of the things that was revealed is that I need to go back into therapy. No this is not bad - it is something I have been putting off for quite a while. I didn't want to admit that I needed to go back but everything that happened between Brett and I seemed to make it evident that I do need to talk to someone.

With that said, Brett and I have worked out some of the issues and there are still some things that have to be addressed. I guess it is the nature of a permanent relationship. You have things that come up and things that you need to work out. It is great to know that he will stand by me while I work through my issues from the past.

A Weekend of Fun

I am getting away for the weekend. I am meeting my mom and a bunch of ladies in Pittsburgh for a bowling tournament. Yes, a bowling tournament. There will be more drinking than bowling - believe me. I am looking forward to hanging out with some people I know and letting loose. After the emotional roller coaster I have been on this week it will be nice to have some fun.

I am a little nervous about going though. With everything that has happened this week in my relationship with Brett I am just afraid of leaving and he meeting up with one of his "friends". Deep down I know he will never do this but the feeling is still there. Once you have been betrayed by someone you love there is always some thing that lingers in the back of your mind that it will happen again.

I think this weekend away will help both of us. I am going to come back on Sunday and spending the evening together and then all day on Monday - just the two of us. We will get through this rough patch. If this is the hardest thing we have to deal with between now and April the rest will be cake walk.

The Deed Is Done

So I told my finace last night that I checked his email and saw all the emails going on between him and other women. I told him the one that bothered me the most was the one from the woman that no matter how much he denies it I know he was involved with during the time he was ignoring me. He admitted to it and said the past is the past and though he is still friends with his past I am the one he wants to be with and there are reasons he is with me and not her. I asked him if the past knew about me and he said yes. Did she or does she now?

I think what bothers me the most is that I thought I would feel better about it and I actually feel worse. Not because I confronted him about it but because I violated his trust. But the question still remains: Is he violating my trust by talking to all those women the way he is or is there nothing to these conversations but internet friendships?

I am dying to check again but I have learned my lesson and refuse to do it. Hopefully he changed his password....

Time Will Only Tell

I have decided it is very hard to live with someone else when both of you are so set in your ways. One person does things one way, the other does it a completely opposite way. I am amazed at the people who can be married for years and years and become accustom to the person they are married to.

I guess you can't ask the person to change because you fell in love with those things that are different then you. But is there a way to tell them the things that bother you without hurting their feels or losing their trust?

Have you ever told someone the reason you were upset with them only to have them say "and it took you 5 hours to tell me that?" Well that is exactly what happened to me today. Instead of "I'm sorry" or "Well here is why I did that" I received "and it took you 5 hours to me that?" Well yes it did take me 5 hours because I was so mad and on top of it you did something else. I wanted to make peace and talk it out and that is the response I get? Well then 2 can play at this game.

I am starting to see why I was single for so long. I am not good with conflict. I am not good at expressing myself. It takes me a while to come up with what I want to say so that it doesn't come off bad. Guess what - this is a perfect example of what I mean.

I thought this might be a good way to get my thoughts out. A friend of mine uses this site and I thought it was cool. I have never been anything special when it has come to writing. Actually it is one of my least favorite things to do.

I also thought that since I have finally moved out of Cleveland but have yet to meet anyone in Stafford, VA this would be a good way to let out all my frustration and talk about any of the fun things that I might do while I am here.

The real question is how long will I keep this up!!!!